Comments on: Chapter Four: Tome, River, and Train

By: Mia Rich

Mia Rich — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 19:20:26 +0000

Just now getting a bit of time to read more and I love it! Really want to read more but homework beckons. Curiosity is killing me though. I think I will save a direct link to the next part on my desktop to remind myself what to read next time I have a few minutes.

By: The Origic Codex

The Origic Codex — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 23:26:56 +0000

Thank you, Allen! I try to keep updates coming every week, so check back often.

By: Allen J.

Allen J. — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:33:30 +0000

This is some solid story-telling. I’m looking forward to reading more!

By: Allen J.

Allen J. — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:32:47 +0000

This is some solid story-telling. I’m looking forward to readying more!

By: Erhannis

Erhannis — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 08:47:26 +0000

Hi! Just the one error that hasn’t been covered already;
“which is, essentially what”
should probably have either two commas or none.

Thanks for the story!

By: Stu

Stu — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 17:33:03 +0000

Nice work! great website

By: Richard Carson

Richard Carson — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 10:16:41 +0000

That angle is more point one million zeros, and then a six.”

more? more than? more like?

when frozen, it’s, some

too many commas

think are importan are so

importan -> important

Henry ans Michelle

ans -> and

Nearby a series of tents covering excavation equipment stood. Beneath, who I guessed to be men and women being paid by the government to research the tomb.

Doesn’t parse

He’s with his family here under me. If he wants to go into military service like the Army and Navy are pressing on him. They were even willing to waive his enlistment age.

Doesn’t parse
missing sentence between 1 and 2? Or rewrite 2?

a bit too harshly imagine

? harshly I imagine ?

Just… But quiet for a moment.”

But -> Be

the archeologists and geologists that made up the research team dispatched and the small team of misfits that Michelle had assembled

dispatched?

I need as much seismographic, meteorologic, psychic, whatever information sent to my personal offices.

Doesn’t parse
as much as what?

By: Stig Hemmer

Stig Hemmer — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 20:10:50 +0000

A nice story indeed. It is difficult to write about the superhuman. I think you are doing a good job.

By: daymon34

daymon34 — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 22:36:50 +0000

Hello nice story you got going here. Just found you today off of topwebstories.

Looks like this Rhianna is going to be a problem. Then again she might have pulled him into another place.

I wonder if Rhianna can look like other people if she wants to. Grasping at straws here, it’s what I do.

By: Daniel

Daniel — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 20:35:13 +0000

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Keep up the good work!